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The Indefinite Article.

Saturday, December 06, 2003

Will Somebody Please Chop Off My Head

My Gosh The Last Samurai was one long, horrible movie. I mean, there were a few neat looking samurai sword flashing fight scenes, and a ninja attack, and a couple of big battles, but the director makes you pay dearly for these brief moments by dragging you through a story of unparalled lousiness.Thank god I only had a straw and a stick of gum handy during the ordeal or I would have ritually disemboweled myself. Surely the pain of slicing my guts open and feeling them spill out into my hands and then onto the theatre floor and then stepping on them and seeing the bloody mess mix with dropped popcorn and spilled soda would have been less than the agony of watching this film. And the ending! My Lord, the ending was so excrutiatingly, mind-boggingly bad that only my incredible tolerance for pain, and amazing physical endurance kept me from slipping into blessed unconsciousness. Even thinking about it now makes me want to wretch.


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