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The Indefinite Article.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

The 2nd Night (misery!) and and the 3rd Morning

On a totally normal night with no interruptions we got in the door at just before 7:00 P.M. Adolfo had refused to nap yesterday. He was exhausted, but he was also sooooo angry at carol (both of us, really), but he also wanted to BE with his mama so badly. He was crying and whining hard the whole time. We figured he was just exhausted since he hadn't napped, so carol took him to bed.

He fell asleep, but then woke up crying. then, he fell asleep again; then, woke up crying....

(repeat till 11:30)

Carol was pretty frustrated. She never really had dinner = angry/frustrated wife.

@ 11:30 the baby fully woke up. He was endlessly crying. Nothing would settle him. We thought maybe he was sick in some way or bothered by a diaper rash...nuthin'...no rubbing ears, no extraordinary gas, no red rash on the behind, nuthin'...

He got down off the bed and in the lamplight, threw a tantrum as never before. Carol and i were stunned. All we could do was watch him. He shook his head as he stood against the bed and hit the side of the bed with his little fists. Then, he threw himself down on the floor and started kicking. He got up and did it again....

After letting this go on for about a minute, i tried to pick him up. He would have none of me. Carol picked him up and he calmed down a bit. We tried to re-assure him, love him, but it just didn't matter what we did.

Finally, we did the only thing we could do....we sang.

We sang, 'Down by the Bay' and 'The Rock Candy Mountain' quietly, and with that ... he slept, but restlessly. Mommy had to bear the full brunt of his restlessness throughout the night. Poor Carol. I should get her another massage.

At one point in the evening i had consulted 'the book' (What to Expect the First Year) about Separation Anxiety. Apparently, this is a pretty common occurance for mtoher's who are full time workers. The child is away from her all day and at night sees sleeping as another 'loss' of the mother's attention and time, so he fights it.

This is hard to bear as much as a reality as it is. It is at these times that i berate myself especially hard for not being the 'breadwinner' of my little family. Inevitably I question my 'manlihood' (whatever that is). Why can't a let my wife be home with my son? What more can i do?


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