Today, I am 3 years old

my little angel boy is three years old - i worried and fretted over his birthday party over the entire week - a result of poor planning on my part - i swear - every year i promise myself that i will do better next year - it seems that every year my preparation just gets worse - i mean - i was STILL cleaning the house when my boss drove up - i even forgot to put on deoderant and didn't remember until after i hugged my bosses wife as they were leaving at the very end of the party
BUT
my little angel boy had a wonderful time
I still can't believe that it was three years ago yesterday that he was taken out of my belly
i can still remember the tugging and the pulling sensations as the doctors worried him free
the steady humm of electrical current in the background that ensured everything was working in that cold bright room
the love of my life sitting next to me - bleary eyed and excited
then
the sudden overwhelming chasm of emptiness i felt paired by the rainbow of emotions flickering across my husband's face
"...the camera...the camera..."
i chanted firmly, calmly
i saw my husband raise the camera in slow motion
two decisive clicks
"...i can't see..."
and then there he was
hovering over the blue screen
all the colors in the world formed a protective halo of life around your wrinkled giant baby body - your mouth bigger than life screaming for the comfort of the world you grew inside of for nine long minute months
you were here
to change my life forever