Tuesday, February 24, 2009

family love


family love
Originally uploaded by ultrakickgirl

sorry i haven't posted anything lately - my tone is probably a little morose right now because even though things are good for me - i'm caught up in the doldrum that is my life - which is what i've been thinking about lately - the doldrum of life - what does your doldrum consist of and do you know what mine is?
i know most of you have an inkling of what my life is made up of - i have a good job but still have a hard time waking up cheerful about it because its so hard to leave my kids - maybe i whine about it more than i should - but geeze - i can see them slipping away so fast
can you believe paola insists on dressing herself all by herself now...and she's still not potty trained (unfortunately) and she likes ham and cheese sandwiches and ice cream and telling on her brother
pssh
and adolfo - what can i say about him - except that the kid is amazing in every way - and so misunderstood - i am not surprised to learn from school that adolfo's test scores are way WAY above average - ms p sat there at the table and pulled out the papers then drew a chart, her eyebrows raised to the ceiling in sincere disbelief - she'd never seen such high numbers in all her years - but, he's lazy, like me and now he's disregarding the teachers and refusing to do the work - the challenge is, how do we fix this? and then there is his sleepwalking and love of books - these instances are followed by full days of frantic web searches on the subject of sleepwalking and evening discussions about whether or not we should put locks on the doors above reach - just in case we don't hear him get out of bed at night - throughout is the consideration of offering him the right subject matter in books and movies for his level of maturity, for his level of understanding
there are other things to think about - when do we buy paola her big girl bed - and then we need to budget for the paint job in the bedrooms - they need a color that is less stimulating to their senses - yes - both of their rooms - why - because paola is exhibiting certain behaviors that we recognize - i clutter my head then with questions that are maybe not necessary...are these learned behaviors from observing her brother? are they thought out with a specific end in mind? or are these true concerns...and that's JUST the beginning of my future brow furrows
of course all of this with the hope that one day i will stay home - which is scary too - but THAT i choose not to think about too much because it is REALLY scary - what if i screw everything up...
i love my life - we have a cute house and i help a friend out who needs a job and she helps me wake up on Sunday to a clean house - we are very blessed and very lucky and we do things together and plan together and celebrate small accomplishments together - we like dinner at jenni's because the kids like the sticky noodles on the menu and adolfo likes to sit on the tall stool and eat at the bar against the window so he could look out at the passing cars on shepherd - he turns around every once in a while with his beautiful smile to blow a kiss in our direction - paola just wants to drink the limeade - but she eyeballs daddy's food and wants to eat IT too while reaching into my plate with her little insect fingers to get whatever she can grab to stuff into her crumb filled mouth
but how could there be so much love in our world - and how can we accomodate it and share it - i wish it was as easy as in past days/years - but it's not - i don't know about you but we have found it getting harder and harder to get together with friends - everyone's schedule is just as busy and everyone is living their lives at a new, unique and different pace - and the question is asked - what has happened to the time? - once there was an abundance of it - and now it seems to have been reduced to 2 hours every day and 2 days every week - the reality of time is now accompanied by the measure of what is most important
occasionally my boss asks me to scan photos and make a 4' X 4' collage out of them – he wants several prints for reunions he has once a year with his friends - it is really cool to look through these images - they meet at a lodge in colorado once a year and take the same group shot under the same stuffed deer head in the same position at the same time each year - it's around father's day - there are 4 couples - through the years, one couple was divorced and the second spouse started appearing – the same smiles, expanding waistlines and different hairdos - i smile when i notice the wrinkles have been smoothened and the hair colors have changed - over 20 years worth...
time flies by so fast that you miss it if you blink - i see it passing in my children's faces when the dimple that was there yesterday has left no more than a shadow - and i see it in the half formed thoughts and the few experiences i try to share with you every now and then – these are like a bone that's been mostly chewed and only a few bits of meat remain for the tasting - yeah, it was savory, here have some – it’s only a taste and not enough for full enjoyment
so - rather than offering you just the bone today - i thought i'd give you the rack o ribs
it's tasty - i promise - i hope you enjoy it because i made it myself and i took my time

3 comments:

colin said...

Wow Carol...That was awesome.
Sounds like I am experiencing a lot of the same feelings that you are.
Everyone is so busy and involved in their own sphere.
I am glad to hear about Adolfo getting such swell scores on his tests
He must have gotten his smarts from you.

I am very much looking forward to June.

shane said...

My first thought was also wow...and I can also relate to a lot of your sentiments. Above all, you've given expression to things I only glean in myself at certain times, try to smooth over gently or beat back forcibly. And I know a thing or two about misunderstood sons...
And even if I'm a vegetarian most of the time, thanks for the ribs!

CarolinaDivina said...

thanks for commenting guys
just never want to lose touch