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The Indefinite Article.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

carol and the chimenea

carol and the chimenea
Originally uploaded by killy.
A little more about my wife:

we spent friday night with an old co-worker of carol's, melissa. we sat around the chimenea after adolfo had fallen asleep and drank tecate. i got the chimenea aflame with hardly a problem, even though i couldn't find my long handle lighter. I twisted up a piece of the Houston Chronicle Sports Page, grazed the yard for small dry sticks, and then made a teepee out of larger dry pecan sticks from a recent pruning.

Most of the conversation centered around melissa's recently finalized divorce, and it had me thinking, yet again, about my own father, my new fatherhood, and the relationship that i have with my wife.-- (it also reminded me that i have to finish the current OE book i'm reading) -- Melissa's former husband was just as selfish as my own father was at the time of my paren't divorce. Both of us were hard pressed to understand the thinking that would go through someone's head when faced with infidelity; how one could simply overlook the incredible losses you would face: trust, confidence, respect ...

When i was photogrpahing my wife poking at the chimenea i was at my most peaceful - my most quiet - my most confident - and i thought about what was really there: my wife's (and son's) uncontrollable urge to poke things; my son sleeping peacefully in the bed that was once nude, but is now stained red (and the time that i spent doing that in our new home); my wife's chimenea that came from my step-father who unlike my own father is part of my life ...

and these things - these vast interconnected memories that lie in the most banal items of my daily life - i don't think i could handle losing

I remember seeing bathroom graffitti that puts infidelity in perspective:

"No matter how hot she is....
is sick of her shit."



  • i was in the bathroom today
    only time i get for thought
    and was suddenly aware of how lucky i really am to be married to such a perfect man
    even though he is not perfect
    even though most nights he has already eaten and is not hungry but sits there with me anyway because he knows how much i hate eating alone
    even though we don't get to do too many things together because he always has something else very important he needs to attend to then he still drops everything when i am screaming for help with a wringling wet unhappy little one in my arms
    even though we don't always agree about which direction our day will go - i am the luckiest girl in the world
    i completely trust this stranger that i love
    divorce and sad stories seem so far away and foreign to me
    i often worry if i could be a good enough friend to those who live with that experience in one way or form
    but then killy loves me
    and i love him
    and such things seem even farther away when i can take a moment to measure our years together in the prickley beard of my love's face

    By Blogger CarolinaDivina, at 4:11 PM  

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